sally.geek.nz

Category: Disability

  • How I see it … there is not a concrete question, answer or solution

    I want to reflect on a couple of things in this post. Over the years, I have posted a lot about sight loss and reached a point where my vision was pretty stable at 10 degrees. Until it wasn’t, I would like to reflect on some of the experiences I have been unable to express in the hope that they will assist others on their journey.

    As a predominantly quantitative researcher and science geek, who thrives on neat, orderly processes and streamlining systems, I gravitate to the concrete, proving something is possible, and look for solutions. Over the years as a teacher, nurse, computer scientist, I have learned to work more and more in the grey areas, particularly with my patients and students. However, I never really stop trying to find solutions.

    This week the fact that science could no longer stop my sight from deteriorating sooner rather than later hit home yesterday. The hard-hitting moment started with a clinician’s comment about my Guide Dog, along the lines of you will need her even more now. With my clinician’s brain, I had somewhat guessed based on symptoms such as increased glare, seeing through what looks like dirty glasses continuously instead of the intermittently and the increase in variability of vision on a day to day basis made me think but not process what this meant.

    The most recent symptom was any sort of detailed work on the weekend made work on Monday more challenging. However, it wasn’t until there were differences in three tests over more than three months that I believed my clinical resining. The words from an expert, “there is nothing more I can do scientifically to stop this”, made this more concrete yesterday rather than abstract and distant.

    My frustration is that I have rarely found something I could not adapt to or find a solution for or be successful at or with. Modus operands have usually been to work harder, take more time, factor in transportation, and try and do better than those around me to compensate. Some examples include taking more time to complete tasks, embracing public transport, doing visual hobbies only in my holidays (e.g. painting), taking work home and finishing it there or spending over two years crocheting the blanket I planned to finish in one winter. Slowly I have been adapting all areas of my life subconsciously and until this month, this process has served me well. However, my brain isn’t filling the gaps as well as it used to and for that reason, if I overdo visual tasks, I am finding I need to stop, take a break and perhaps finish that task the next day. I have spent 11 years building a career and social life I love, yet to continue this, I need to account for visual fatigue in all I do, meaning giving up other things I value. It feels like robbing Peter to pay Paul.

    On an emotional level, this is challenging and fatiguing in itself. I wonder if it is time for the world around me to adapt more to my needs rather than my continual focus on trying to fit the mould of societal expectations around life and identity. I have long been a supporter of advocacy and rights around disability and over the last year, become more vocal. However, I have found it easier to apply this principle to others and have concluded that I need to shift that focus to myself.

    One of the catchphrases that floats around is to do things differently, which sounds easy when it rolls off the tongue, but change is not something that I and those around me find easy. One reflection in considering this is that things are challenging in the status quo and I recognise the need for change, but figuring out how to adapt what I do is something I can’t always do alone.

    On reflection, I have known my vision would deteriorate, but it had always been something that was in the future. I had anticipated things would stay how they are where I have some useful sight until after I retire, at least. I have made considerable roads into acceptance of disability and vision impairment up until now, to the point that I consider myself blind (I do meet the MSD criteria as totally blind).

    Until recently, those around me would have seen me as someone who couldn’t drive and stopped all of my extreme outdoor activities (diving, water-skiing, skiing and more), but other than using a cane, guide dog and large print and asking for an office away from windows, I just get things done.

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  • The Adventures of Guide Dog Sienna – a day exploring at craft class

    One myth I have hear a lot lately about service dogs is that they don’t get time relax to be a real dog. Yesterday on our adventures Sienna spent more time out of harness than in harness and had plenty of fun.

    Guide Dog Sienna and I went to a craft class at The Makers Table in Papakura with a friend (Linda).

    Sienna met a number of new people and being the people orientated and excitable out of her harness enjoyed investigating the shop and meeting the crew.

    Sienna exploring the craft supplies.

    Most of the people were either doing embroidery or cross stitch projects. My eyesight won’t manage either of these any more so I opted to continue my crochet blanket (dare I mention that I started a couple of years ago) that I am determined to finish before it gets much colder.

    Crochet blanket I started prior to Covid-19 arriving in NZ.

    An interesting project was from a newcomer who was making a memory quilt using her late dogs blankets and clothing. It was amazing to be able to give suggestions and see her progress. Sienna also decided she wanted to help in the design process much to the delight of the designer.

    Sienna sitting on the layout of the memory quilt a fellow participant was making.

    Later in the day one person knocked their chair cushion on to the floor and went to pick this up. Sienna promptly sat on it and didn’t want to move off of her new throne without some dog treat bribery.

    Sienna sitting on a cushion.

    On exploring of the garden, I found Sienna eating berries before I could take these off of her. This prompted a text to the our Guide Dog Instructor and a call to the Poision’s Centre. Where we found that the Indian Hawthorne Berries pictured below are not poisonous to people and most likely not dogs either (this prompted a check of the Australian SPCA poisonous list) where we found they were safe.

    Indian Hawthorne Berries.

    While Sienna was upset when I removed her from the Hawthorne bush and wouldn’t let her back outside it didn’t stop her, playing with her favourite toy and enjoying the rest of our day.

    Sienna licking her current favourite toy.

    I hope that Sienna and I have managed to bust the myth that Guide Dog’s do not get any down time. To further make my point, the photo below is of a very spoiled Sienna relaxing at home on her dog bed – granted I added the blanket because she likes it.

    Sienna relaxing on her dog bed. Granted I did put the blanket over her because it looked cute.

    Shout out for Liz at the Makers Table in Pakuranga who made the day rewarding for both of us. https://www.themakerstable.studio

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  • How I see it … message to a motorist

    In Auckland, many motorists are going from A to B at any time. Many drivers are conscientious and drive with care and consideration for other road users; however, some do not. First, I will describe a situation I found myself in today with my guide dog Sienna and then reiterate the message I would like to give those who do not have situational awareness while driving.

    After leaving work early with the intention to work from home after my monitor shorted and would no longer work with IT, removing it for repair, I began my walk home. Sienna, my guide dog and I were on our second walk without the guide dog instructor present. Earlier that morning, we had a fantastic walk to work with no mishaps along the way.

    Sienna and I at work on Tuesday with our Guide Dog Instructor.

    One of the things I have noticed about Sienna is that she is a very social dog. For example, last week, she dragged the small table she was tethered to towards the door of my office so that she could interact with the passers-by while I was teaching or in online meetings; I noticed pretty late in her escapade after people had stopped to talk with her. Similarly, when she knows we are heading home, she tends to go slower as if to say, “do we have to go home” and wants to interact with people on the way home. I want to let it be known that she gets plenty of time to play and socialise with others and I am told that this is quite common for new guide dogs to want to be out.

    As soon as we crossed a road near work, Sienna figured out we were going home and decided to go very slowly. She did everything right; it was just at about 1/4 of her usual speed when working. To give you context, I can walk home in about 25 – 30 minutes and it took me about 90 minutes today; I tried all of the usual tricks to get her to speed up and ended up stopping along the way to get a drink for me and give her some time out. This worked perfectly and she walked along at average speed and happily until we got to the next set of traffic lights.

    One of Sienna’s favourite things is targeting or finding the correct traffic light signal to cross the road. We did this perfectly and waited for the signal indicating it was safe to cross. I was still giving her a treat for finding the correct traffic light pole when the signal beeped and vibrated, so we were a few seconds late taking off to cross. However, the signal was still beeping, and cars stopped, meaning it was still safe to cross.

    The road we were crossing had two lanes going in each direction and a middle lane for traffic turning right, so we crossed five lanes of traffic. When the way was clear and the signal was beeping, we started to cross. After crossing one and a half lanes, a car ran the red light opposite us, going around 50km per hour in the lane we were crossing. The intersection was on my right and noisy, so I could not see it or fully hear approaching the traffic over idling cars and the beeping traffic signals, so I didn’t notice the car coming.

    Sienna stopped when she heard the car (as she is trained to do), I asked her to go forward to try and get out of the lane, and she hesitated and the car swerved and went behind us, driving away at speed.

    Sienna and I continued to cross the road reaching the other side safely but a little shaken. The lights then changed and other cars stopped at the lights pulled away. We sat for a while on the other side of the road and then continued on our way home.

    Only having 10 degrees of vision left, I could see that the car pulling that ran the red light was a white station wagon and was probably in an early 1990s shape, but I couldn’t pick up any more detail. I will not make any assumptions about the driver or reason for running a red light. Still, all drivers need to maintain situational awareness to be safe in charge of a vehicle. With this in mind, I have no way of ever finding this driver. Still, the message I would like to give them is to be aware of the situation (including red traffic lights and pedestrians) and consider other road users’ safety.

    Sienna and I continued our walk home and she was going slowly, with none of her usual tail wags and being extremely cautious when guiding me. We continued at her pace to find the footpath entirely blocked by a construction gate and pallets and no people to be seen anywhere. I asked Sienna to find a way around, but the only options were stepping out into the road (there was room) or going back to the traffic lights to cross where the car ran the red light. Sienna was unwilling to step onto the road and not keen to go back to the previous intersection.

    Sienna in front of a cofusing foopath obsticle. today on our walk home.

    The only way I could then get past this obstruction was to move a road cone that was in burried knee high grass to get her through. After this, she stopped every 20 meters or so, and would move along when encouraged but it was tough going. Eventually, I stopped, took off her harness and let her sniff around for a while. I attempted to walk home with her on the lead with my white cane but she was into everyones garden, grass and sniffing so I only walked about 10 meters off harness and just with her lead.

    Luckily this did the trick and I was able to get her harness back on and she walked home slowely in harness. She was cautious but by the time we got in the front door there were some tail wags. After some play, food and a peanut butter kong Sienna is now asleep and I hope that she is happy enough to guide me tomorrow after what happened today.

    I am hoping that this story is informative to others and if by any mircale that it reaches the particular driver of the white station wagon or others that loose their situational awareness while driving that it shows the impact that their actions can have on other road users giving them insight to change their habbits before more serious harm than a somewhat traumatised guide dog and handler on their first solo walk home is caused.

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